En Memoriam: On the Rocks

JULY 14-16th, 2006
Under the command of Cpt. Richard "Skinny Dick" Lam, 15 brave souls set out on the HMS Inappropriate in search of a new life on the Georgian Bay. What happened to this team of pioneers along the way, many have speculated, but for the first time since their miraculous return, survivor Nathan Robertson tells all.

"It was a dark and moonless night," claims Robertson, "the air was chile [chilly] as we came to the docks after the endless Terminal 3 loop at the airport. I wasn't so sure that Cpt. Lam was right of mind. He began demanding my right sock, for what, I can only guess."

"When we finally arrived at the cottage, we unpacked our provisions and played some music to calm the crew down. A few of us stayed awake until dawn; I think we all had the same fear that our Captain had led us into dangerous waters, showing us footage of dangerous sharks. We all asked ourself, was this why he brought us here?"

"The second day was more settled than the first. Nerves had been calmed and reserves had arrived. By this point we numbered 15, and in the event of madness, the crew would be able to properly handle the mutiny."

Of course, Skinny Dick wasn't the only one in danger of madness.

Late Saturday night, the crew gathered by the campfire. That's when it happened. Maybe it was something in the air, maybe it was the sauce, but the next thing you know, Chris was breathing fire and Ingo was naked. At first they seemed to be the only ones affected, but it wasn't long before a whole fleet of White Whales came to shore. With the moon glistening off the majestic cheeks of the water-mammals, it became clear why they had come...

[Editor's Note: While water-nudity may be cheeky and fun, what's not fun is having the lake swallow your swim trunks and having to use a flower-pot to cover your shame... although, I suppose I can see how that could also be cheeky and fun...]

Despite nudie-swimming misadventures, nudie-piggy-back fights, and nudie-swimsuit searching, most of the crew managed to survive through Saturday, and after eating all the meat of their fallen comrades on Sunday, they bid a fond fairwell to the little house on the hill, loaded back into the boat, and set sail for civilization again. They learned many things this weekend, including but not limitted to:

• never look at the photographer when he's doing his thing


• while bacon grease may be better than ash water, neither should be imbibed


• and there is absolutely no situation that a backhoe can't get you out of...

W-I-L-C-O

When I sat down on the bed next to you
You started to cry
I said, maybe if I leave, you'll want me
To come back home
Or maybe all you mean, is leave me alone
At least that's what you said


You're irresistible when you get mad
Isn't it sad, I'm immune
I thought it was cute
For you to kiss
My purple black eye
Even though I caught it from you
I still think we're serious
At least that's what you said

'At Least Thats What You Said' - A Ghost is Born (2004)

After that last line, they just rock out for like five minutes. It's more amazing live then I could have hoped for...

July 7th. Wilco. Massey Hall - a double edged venue.

Aside from The White Stripes at the Molson Amphitheatre - the ultimate in gawdy Toronto music venues - this was the best show I've ever seen; seen by fluke, enjoyed in full.

They called us 'motherfuckers' for not standing by half way through the show, an unfortunate by-product of cushy Massey Hall seating for those not cramped in the Alps. Jeff 'Two Encore' Tweedy - lead singer - was surprised at the lively response he got when he 'invited' Toronto to get into the show, still amazed Canadians needed invitations to fully enjoy a show they payed upwards of $50 for.

(Mind you, he had to ask first, and ask what they weren't doing that we wanted them to. The appreciation up to here had been respectful, but not exuberant. Tweedy was waiting for it to get rowdy - he wanted rock n' roll. Until then, he had gotten Sunday afternoon Concert-in-the-Park.)

Throw in a shirt for $35 - a poster for $25. Wilco was far from priceless: I spent in one night the retroactive back pay I got the day before from a raise at Queen's Park which was effective from April to June. Totally worth it, especially for one of the few bands that I'd allow myself to blow $110 bucks on...

Now if I can get up to Ottawa, they're playing Blues Fest...

...hhmmm...

(Oh yeah, I didn't take that picture either. I WISH we were that close. We got middle balcony seats, but dead centre. I got the photo from Google Images, now advertising themselves as the largest repository of online images on the internet. Google for President, man. They're taking it all over...)

The Borden House 'Saga Continues...

Some of us got Monday off - some of us decided to head up the mighty 400, pass the mighty "Welcome to the Oak Ridges Morraine" sign, the puny "You are now entering the Greenbelt" sign, and the non-existent "This is the Greater Golden Horseshoe" sign up to Wasaga Beach.

Beach, burns, and bums. And suburban kids with Jewish-fro's and kickin' sub-woofers in borrowed cars. Open doors, and rolled-down windows. Communally accepted identity theft - encouraged, and rampant. Life in the (905) run amok.

Most photo's from the trip can be seen at:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/23452938@N00/
and at
http://www.lomohomes.com/pameluhhh, along with many other awesome photo's from our friendly neighbourhood neighbour Pamela "Spamela" Tung. You should check 'em out...

Best part of the day? Kiwi-Cherry, and $2.97 giant Watermelon - which I'm still eating almost a week later...

Rock n' Roll...

(Sorry about the strange writing in the first parahraph. I'm still getting the hang of this thing. Something happened, and I can't get it to go back. Booo. Deal with it.)