Jerry Jacobs Day

Good Morning! This is the POLICE!!!

Friday, June 1st, 2007; 7:00am
Borden House and her guests are awoken by the loud and unmistakeable knocking of the police. The Michiganians who were crashing in the front room answered the door and let the two officers in, as resident Andrew Nelson, hears a walkie-talkie pass his window.

"Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck..."

The officers make their way through the house, pressing toward the attic: "Who lives on the third floor of this house?!?! IS IT JERRY JACOBS!?! Are YOU Jerry Jacobs??!"

Uncertain who exactly the fuck Jerry Jacobs is, Reever and C-Wok are woken up, while they make their way upstairs into the dark attic where Merideth Denning lie unsuspecting.

BAM!! Flash light in the face! "Are you alone up here?! Where is Jerry Jacobs??"

All Ms. Denning could see was a flashlight in her face and a large man in her room. Meanwhile downstairs in Mr. Nelson's room "Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck..."

When it was at last established that we had NO idea who Jerry Jacobs was, we discovered that the police had been called in for a suicide. I don't know where this call came from, but I suspect prankery (I mean honestly: Jerry Jacobs, it sounds like a really lame super hero name). BUT, on the off chance that there really is a Jerry Jacobs out there, maybe down the street from us, and the officers who scared the crap out of us were unable to stop him from ending it all, we at Borden House are declaring June 1st to be national Jerry Jacobs day! (Check your local municipality to see if it counts as a long weekend).

So Happy Jerry Jacobs Day!!


[Editors note: The residents of Borden House are law abiding citizens and have no reason to fear the law -- and if you tell anybody about this I'll bury you in the garden with the last person that crossed me.]