'Do You Know Someone Worships You?'

Sometime last year as I was driving out of the IKEA parking lot I got a call from my sister laughingly wondering if I was aware that, in the vastness of Cyber-space, someone had created a shrine to Andrew Reeves? And that upon closer inspection I was that Andrew Reeves?

After wondering who the hell it would have been making something like that - that creepy girl in High School who said I looked like Christian Bale and then turned on me in an MSN conversation? That girl from the Dance Cave who, drunkenly, I gave my phone number to, two weeks after Courtney and I first started dating? - it suddenly hit me.

A good freind of mine from High School, Kayla, created a blog with Angelfire - HA! - that recorded the e-mails I sent out to my friends when I left in OAC for a seven-month volunteer programme called Katimavik. And while the e-mails themselves provide a nostalgic glimpse into Andrew in High School, the funniest thing is the pictures. And the one posted above is just a sample. (By the way, that is me, Kevin Dowse, and Nate Robertson.) Word...

So here is the Andrew Reeves Shrine for all those interested in getting a better glimpse into the world of High School Andrew. Though for the life of me, I don't know why you would...

Go West, Young, Poorly Educated Man!

This makes me smile in a way I would never tell my Albertan friends if I had any Albertan friends, which I don't think I do.

The Globe and Mail reported on July 29th that because of the obscene amounts of money flying around the province due to tar sand development, which is seeing wage increases in everything from jobs actually related to oil extraction to working at Wendy's, that the percentage of students staying in High School to get their diploma has dropped to a near-record low of 67.9% of those who enter High School.

Is this a record low? Try 63.9 % in 1999. Close...

So now those same people helping to destory the environment - and the Country, depending on your views - with often reckless disregard for what the rest of the Country thinks, is now also the province with the highest amount of students not even bothering themselves to acquire a secondary education! Has no one told Alberta that money is not everything? Are they ever going to have to answer and make retributions for the environmental destruction they're responsible for?

Simplistic though it is, one of the first things the Rest of Canada can do is stop going west to Alberta in search of high-paying labour that merely exacerbates the problem. Non-stop flights between St. John's, Newfoundland, and Fort McMurray, Alberta, denote a torubling relationship between one of the poorest provinces in the Confederation and its richest: the one-way flow of men and women seeking jobs heading west, and the one-way eastern flow of wages back to struggling families. Ends have to be met, and families have to be fed, but in the larger scheme of things, supporting the beast that is tar sands oil extraction for personal gain only serves to make the damage being done that much more irrepairable.

Did I say I was smiling, earlier? If only to mask my terror...

Blowin' Smoke

I was on my way to hockey the other day at Main Street and Gerard Street East - damn near in Scarborough - when a girl a bit younger than me lit up a smoke in front of me at the subway stop. People who have been around smokers, or been caught behind them on the sidewalk, know the distinctive smell of a freshly lit smoke and how it feels like its tearing your esophagus a new asshole. She then blew a huge amount of smoke in my face without knowing it...

I got wondering about scenarios, something I do to pass the time. They usually involve me being much more belligerent, or righteous, or courageous than I actually am - righting a wrong, telling someone what I think about a behavioural trait of theirs, et cetera. Then I wondered if I told this girl she had blown smoke in my face, and she then proceeded to blow smoke intentionally into my face, if an acceptable reaction to this - if retaliation can even be seen as acceptable - would be to spit on her.

Is that tit for tat, or has that gone too far? Is that close enough to Jay-Z's "If you kill my dog, Im'a kill yo' cat?" If someone blows smoke in your face, and you're not a smoker and can't do something equally disgusting and rude without physically assaulting them, is spitting on them an equivalent reaction? Is spitting on someone physical assault?

I don't know - jury's still out on this one. Again - Andrew of my scenario's might do that, but mild-mannered Andrew of this world certainly wouldn't. Real world Andrew might spit on the douchebags in the above photo, though - thank you Google Images for bringing these turds to my attention. Too bad I'm not the Hulk...

Is This Stupid?

So I have a boring job - this is not very new, or unique to me,but it's an important contextual note that you should remember. Part of what I do involves the removal of many tens of thousands of used staples from old member files. I have gone through two staple removers in the process - the pin came out of one and shattered in my hand and the other one experienced such intense and sustained pressure on the plastic wings that they snapped in two right in my hand. I should contact the WSIB - I need to learn my rights regarding the refusal of unsafe work.

But what the hell should I do with these untold thousands of used - and useless - staples. Up to now I had simply been throwing them out every day, which struck me as a waste of both garbage bags (for a few measely staples hidden at the bottom of the bag? Really?) and unnecessary, considering they are metal, and that metal can be recycled, as scrap or otherwise.

So I Googled it the other day and came across a UK website called How Can I Recycle This and found an article with user feedback on how used staples can be recycled. (Even if you don't generate a lot of used staples in your day-to-day life the article is worth checking out for this creepy guy 'Andy' - who is not me, by the by - who is trying to not only pick up another poster named 'Kim,' but has described in detail how he would use staples as a means of slow and painful torture...

Wierded out...

So the questions are twofold: now that I too have begun saving my staples for future recycling consideration at work, is this stupid? And depending on your answer, what would be the best way to recycle them other than dumping them in the recycle bin and hoping it doesn't piss the cleaner's off? I have already tried their patience I'm sure by taping a note to my garbage bin saying "Please do not throw away my staples." I'm sure they think the summer staff must have been hired from an outreach programme, and/or that I'm mildly retarded.

But not as retarded as this kid. Click on the WSIB link to see other pictures from the 2007 WSIB Young Workers Safety Campaign. They're pretty hilarious...

Lord & Taylor now Lord and Master of HBC

I'm more than a little pissed off here. I was ready to jump into a Canadianist rant that would have made Mel Hurtig and his poorly published diatribes against American investment in Canada proud. But then I read more closely into the National Post article (I know, but of all the papers it's not surprising they covered it on the front page), and discovered that it's actually worse, or not as worse as I had originally suspected. I cannot decide which.

Canada didn't lose HBC, the oldest and arguably most prestigious commercial institution in the country, to an American equity firm on Thursday. It was gone as early as 2006 when it was bought by a South Carolinian business tycoon - though not Stephen Colbert, though that might have been interesting - for a (paltry) $1.1 billion. Here I was ready to lament the loss of another venerable Canadian institution when I realized that it was already long gone...

...And that not much changed. Am I sad to learn that HBC has changed hands from one American business interest to another? Of course. Did it change my everyday life significantly, or the lives of other Canadians? Probably not. This is not GM announcing that it's cutting 20% of all well-paying, salaried positions across North America. That will cut some families to the quick, and everything we can should be done to soften that blow. But this? Other than the opening of 10 to 15 Lord & Taylor stores in Canada and the intention to make HBC more competitive with Holt Renfrew and less competitive with Sears Canada, I am not sure what the problem is. I find HBC routinely too expensive for my blood as it stands - if they choose to go more up-scale and compete with Holt, all the more power to them! Yuppies with cash are a lucrative market, and HBC may even be able to shed the sense that shopping there was only cool for your mom in the 1960's, if not your Grandmother in the 40's. Or if you wanted Olympic gitch.

So this Canadian nationalist will join the national lament over HBC - if there was one, which I doubt there was - to a degree. Like all good Canadians I've got my Points Blanket (a throwback to the original 100% wool blankets first traded between French voyageurs and Aboriginals) and at least one hoodie with something related to Team Canada. And while it would be nice if HBC was in Canadian hands, they're not closing them down; they're not changing the name; and they're not taking the company in a direction that it was not already travelling in, so I for one am not incredibly concerned. And you can still get your Olympic gitch there, so everyone can let out that sigh of relief they've been holding in.

And besides - when we lost the incredible Railroad Hotels that dot the major cities and geographical wonders of this country (think Quebec City, think Lake Louise, think Ottawa) to Fairmont Hotels nobody blinked. And when Fairmont was bought by the Saudi Royal Family, this seemed only natural. And more recently the purchase of the Hockey Night in Canada themesong by CTV should have convinced Canadians that, in all honesty, nothing is untouchable these days, and anything can be bought.

It does beg a few questions, though. If not these, then what institutions and buildings are sacred to Canadians? And where will we draw the line?

This Week in Sports...

It was a busy week in the Sports World of Reever this week. And other than an appalling game by the Toronto Argonauts last week in Edmonton and a horrible showing in Week #3 in my CFL Pick 'Em pool, I'd say things are looking up. Let's start from the top...

BADMINTON - Sunday - Jimmie Simpson Community Centre on Queen Street East

Sweat my ass off in a CC basement with a bunch of Asian players, 49X better than I am, and not even breaking a sweat while they play that much better than I am. Probably shouldn't have worn grey - nothing shows the levels and degree's of sweat, and its creeping south movement from my neckline to the waist, quite like grey. Hell of a lot of fun though with Rev. MC n8 - sadly Kevin Dowse will not be joining us next Sunday, but it is his Birthday, so I'll let it go this time...

SOCCER - Monday - Lamport Stadium on King Street West at Dufferin Street

Maybe it was the stadium lights, maybe it was the fact that we had gone 0-2 in our first two games this season after finishing second of seven in the Spring season, but I told Courtney and n8 before the game that we had to win this one. And win we did, 1-nil, against a team of hard-core, aggressive Spaniards that reminded me of one of the reasons I was cheering for Deutschland in the Euro Cup final.

And who got that one, game-winning goal? I was able to fulfill my promise to myself that by the end of the season my soccer skills would have improved enough that I could score at least one goal, and it happened. I am now good enough at soccer to score one goal in the Toronto Community Sport & Social Club Recreational soccer league. Word. It wasn't pretty, but I got my own rebound, and booted 'er in with my left foot three feet from the goal line with the goalie sprawling on the ground.

The funniest part? I was so excited I lost my shit and ran down the field towards our team's end. I met n8 half-way down the field trying to put his shirt over his head, but since he was borrowing my sister's kids sized jersey it wouldn't fit over his head! I did the airplane swooping motion down the field, and even ripped my jersey off, left it in the middle of the field, and brandished my DDR soccer jersey underneath that I got when I was in Berlin in April. Thankfully everyone was really happy and excited for me, rather than wondering what the hell this asshole was doing. It was only one goal - and not even a pretty one at that!

I sheepishly tried to say sorry during the post-game handshake with the other team, but everyone says 'good game, good game, good game' so quickly I didn't have much time. Thankfully I didn't lose us any spirit points...Oops...

FLOOR HOCKEY - Tuesday - Ted Reeve Arena at Main Street and Gerrard Street East

Lack of girls was solved at the last minute when three showed up out of nowhere. I don't think people realize how big a hockey arena is until you have to run every inch of it to try and come back and win a game you know you can't. We lost 6-2, not a great showing, and now sit at 1-1-0. We tried to come up with a name, but I think we're going to stick with Team 4. It has memories...

SOFTBALL - Wednesday - Downview Park at Keele Street and Wilson Street

Normally I get nosebleeds this far north in the city, but thankfully not tonight. After an exhausting search for the diamond (Keele Street going north actually disappears from beneah your car - we found ourselves on Old Weston Road of a sudden) we get there and the game has begun. After a great opening inning, we get sluggish and our bats suddenly die on us against the only other undefeated team in our league.

Suddenly we're down by 8 runs, but then we bring it all back. We get seven runs in the 6th, and now its 12-10. But in the last inning we let in an easy run after a teammate yelled at Courtney for not getting a ball at home plate that had gone underneath the fence and would have required her to break or at least wrench her arm in order to retrieve it, and were down 13-10. A questionable call by our first base coach on my single forced me out for leaving the baseline when I had to scramble back to first, and we couldn't do much else. I had a lousy night offensively (0-4) but came up with a few catches at CF. We drop to 2-1-0, though still not bad...

And now I take a few days to keep packing for our move, and give me feet and arms a chance to recuperate. God speed little feet...

The Barenaked Ladies Of My Youth...

I nearly lost my shit yesterday when I read about Steven Page of BNL fame being busted in Fayatteville, NY, for cocaine and marijuana use and possession. A former housemate of ours recently moved back in with her parents who just moved to Fayatteville from Michigan, and she cliamed nothing exciting ever happens there. Well that's a lie...

I e-mailed the article to my honeymooning sister in Prague with the subject "What the fuck?" because BNL was the first concert I ever went to with her at Massey Hall when I was 12. When they were BIG. I'm talking Stunt! just came out and One Week was fucking played everywhere kind of big. We got picked up on Shuter Street by my dad in his blue pick-up when he got off working a 12 hour shift at the Main plant downtown. I fell asleep in the truck on the way home, high off the adreneline of having snuck into better seats in the balcony to hear a crooning Ed Robertson sing Light Up My Room. That was the height of sophistication and emotion at 12...

So I was thrown for a loop to hear about fourth degree drug charges being laid against a recently separated, father-of-three Steven Page in upstate New York. It's made all the worse by BNL's recent tour for their children's album Snacktime! (Snacktime!? Really?) and the fact that there's never really a good time to get busted for drugs in America. Ever. Because the charge against him carries a maximum sentence of 15 years, which could put a damper on BNL's Disney-affiliated North American tour. Or on Page's ability to be there for his children's lives! And all this because someone left a car parked awkwardly with a door left open in front of their apartment - and because he was caught with a tonne of blow on the table and sticky fingers...

I'm not going to poke fun - this is too sad for that, actually. I respected him too much as a kid to degrade him now. He made a costly mistake, which he's probably never going to be able to live down, which is too bad for him. So instead of putting a picture up of him looking super sketchy like most people have done, the above image is Page as he should be recalled. Happy, nerdy, and doing his thing...Gordon-styles!

(And that probably is him in Grade 9 - Christ he looks young...And bigger. So he probably wasn't doing blow just then...)